Monday, January 11, 2010

MEMO TO MEN: Fear of the Friendly Female.

TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: I'm not a stalker. Really.
DATE: January 11, 2010

Update: After receiving a rather disturbing comment, I just want to make it clear that the lovely Facebook Flirt inspired this MEMO. xoxo

If you like someone, let them know... If you Love somone, let it show... Don't hide those feelings, let yourself go...
So what do you think of that quote? Boys, boys, boys. You've got my head spinning these last few days, and I'm not talking about that good feeling I'm assuming comes with a first kiss. Now, I've always prone to being perpetually mysified by your interesting behavior, but this one? Well, frankly, it just takes the cake.

I suppose my question, really, is this: Why do you tend to become glassy eyed and run when I hit a certain friendly threshold with you?

Since when did friendly becoming the new stalking or being an all-around creepster?

*Am I that intimidating?
*Am I that repulsive?
*Am I that utterly threatening to you?


I've been making a conscious effort in the last few months to be more friendly, be more outgoing with you - not in a romantic way, just a friend way - but it's obviously had the exact opposite effect. Oh, the number of times I've been at my utmost friendly, given you a friendly smile, only to have give me that look of being awkwardly uncomfortable in return.
I've seen other women do the same thing to you, and you adore it like a dog adores a new squeeze toy.

So what gives? What is it about me?

Or, is it my disability that's scaring you again? I'm starting to think that's what it is. I don't think you've gotten the memo, but let me be the first to open your eyes: We women with disabilities are people too. See, I'm thinking that you're thinking my friendliness is an attempt to woo you. Here's what I imagine is going through your mind:

"Hmmm, this girl is friendly. Interesting."

"Oh hey, she's actually talking to me. I am so the man."

"OMG, what's that thing? A wheelchair?"

"Uh-oh, she's being awfully friendly to me."

"Oh no, she's being friendly because she wants me. Like really, really wants me. "

"I have to run. I have to get out of here. I can't date a woman with a disability. I can't marry her. How will I care for her? Will we have kids? What am I getting myself into here? HEEEEEELP!"


Whoa, boys. Slow down. Just because I'm being nice to you doesn't mean I want you - don't flatter yourself. And it doesn't mean we're going to get married and that you're going to be saddled with taking care of me the rest of your life.

At least have enough decency and respect for me and all women. I may not act tough, but you know what? Those words you spoke - or failed to speak - hurt. Even if only a little bit. And I won't lie and pretend they didn't. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. The heart can't help how it feels, can it?

And what's with all this caring about what friends think? It's an excuse - a lame one, at that. It's nothing but mumbo jumbo. Mumbo jumbo of the worst kind, indeed. It's not hot; actually, it's sort of sad. Following the crowd is a downright turn-off. Would you rather pacify your friends than hurt someone's feelings?

I know you can do better, boys. I know you can.

Did you ever think that my being nice and friendly and charming is, well, just that? I'm a friendly person. I like to laugh, and I've noticed in the last few months that I'm becoming quite the fetching flirt. An added perk, I'm assuming.
Maybe it's not really your fault. Maybe you're just powerless when it comes to my bewitching ways. I knew it would happen someday. I've always said I'm a late bloomer.

So you know what my plan is? I'm not changing. Nope. I'm going to continue to be nice because, boys, that's just the kind of woman I am. If you don't like it, well, frankly, that's just tough luck.

In the future, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make me feel so stupid and feel like such a fool for doing something as simple and harmless as being nice.

The bottom line: A friendly woman should not be threatening to you. Period. As always, thank you, boys. xoxo

[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]

45 comments:

  1. Ooh! Those dresses are so cute!

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  2. It probably has NOTHING to do with your disability. Men just are afraid when women come onto strong, namely because, as a general rule (not saying this is YOU), when a woman comes on very strong, she has crazy written all over her. There's something to be said for playing it aloof, being mysterious, and making them want YOU.

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  3. Hahahaha, Faux! I've been playing the whole aloof mystery card for awhile...hasn't exactly worked. xoxo

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  5. I personally love how certain men take a flirtatious attention and eat it up, then refuse to give it back. Heaven forbid they be a little kind for a change.

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  6. Everything on earth seems to intimidate boys - it's such a pain!! :)

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  8. Ha! I totally have had guys do that to me too, Melissa! I can't even remember the amount of times I'll be nice and friendly to a guy working in a store or a barista and he'll say stiffly, "Well, my girlfriend really likes warm weather too. Ahem." So, I think people may just get scared by us put-our-hearts-on-our-sleeves/no-one-is-a-stranger girls. I think those types of boys (not all boys do this, of course!) want to be in control of the situation and with a wild card who makes her own destiny and begins her own conversations, they feel scared. Ah, well.

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  9. I'm dying to know what that comment was.

    And that orange print dress is SO CUTE...I love everything about thatp hoto except her stance. She's standing like some sort of livestock...

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  10. Don't feel bad Melissa....the same thing happens to me a lot too. I will think things are going good with a guy and I get feelings for him, he leaves and you're thinking that this is the one...and then hes MIA....Then I'm thinking OK...What did I do to scare this guy off now. It's funny cause it dosn't seem like a lot of guys understand what a real relationship is....It's like just being loyal to one person is marriage to them or something....What ever happened to just mutually agreeing to be together and actually WANTING to spend your free time with your girlfriend? Guys dont seem to get that....they act like they love us and shit but they are afraid to hear or say the word love. Are guys really that scared of having a relationship. Why is it that it seems like they are like this? Do they think the grass is greener on the other side? Do they think they are so special that they are going to find the PERFECT woman someday? No one is perfect...but why does it seem that guys think there is a perfect woman out there and no one else is good enough for them....Well I tell you what...these people that think they are too good for everyone will hit a harsh reality when they are 50 years old and never been married or had kids because they were always too picky...expecting perfection. So in the end Melissa...you will find someone because you are a nice, honest person. I am sure I will too....have you tried to make friends with guys that have disabilities? That might be good for you to try to find guy that also has a disability because he will understand what its like to be disabled. People that aren't disabled don't understand what its like physically or emotionally. I also have a disability and it seems like people dont understand why I am the way I am. The way I look at it though....if people dont like me...they can go f*ck themselves then! lmao

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  11. THANK YOU, Anon!!! Those words mean a lot to me! xoxo

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  12. You're welcome:) I have been in a few bad, really messed up relationships before....I almost think its better just to stay single...less stress lol

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