Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Question of the Week: Question #19

Have a question? I'd love to hear it, so feel free to email me (mellow1422 [at] aol), friends! Today's question comes to us from a question asked in this post...

Do you have any male friends that you have absolutely no interest in physically but that you still love to hang out with?
I've mused about male-female friendships before, but surprisingly, I've never really given it much thought in relation to myself. Honestly, the more that I think about it, the more I realize that I don't have any male friends. Sure, I've got my solid girl group, but I still haven't found the Billy Crystal to my Meg Ryan a la When Harry Met Sally.

It's not like I've had some sort of traumatic experience in my past that has made me distrustful of guys. It's not like I haven't had positive encounters with them in the past. So is it that I simply can't relate to them? Am I afraid? I'm not all too sure.

Actually, you'd think I'd be comfortable with the whole guy-girl dynamic by now thanks to my mom. She met her best friend, Bill, when she was 5 and he was 4. They lived in the same neighborhood and spent their days playing outside and going to each other's houses for summer picnic lunches in the backyard. Fast-forward 50 years, and they're still best friends. They've seen each other through college, through marriage, through that scary first job, through having children. Their relationship has always fascinated me because, well, no romantic feelings ever entered into the pictured for either one of them. Ever. I've asked my mom, "Didn't one of you ever fall for the other," and she always gives me this look -- a mixture of shock and awe -- as if I'd just uttered something so blasphemous that she's been rendered speechless.
But their friendship? It worked -- for half a century and counting! So, they must be doing something right. Maybe I should take a cue from them? It would give me great insight into the male mind...

Ladies, I'd love to know: Do you have male friends? What do you like about having them in your life? How did you meet? Do you think it's inevitable that emotions will get in the way, or can men and women really be just friends?

[Photos via We Heart It]

11 comments:

Rachael said...

One of my closest friends is a guy and has been since high school even though he did admit at one point he had a bit of a thing for me. That did somewhat cause friction at one point in our friendship but we both got partners and I went away to university. I always find girls are a lot more bitchy and guys just tell you to your face how it is. Then again I've always just got on better with guys.

fifi said...

Hi Michelle! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting! And my answer to the proposed question...I have always had male friends and with no romantic interest involved some are my best friends and can see being friends forever! love them!!(as a friend) lol :)

Liesl said...

A blogger recently posted a this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA) asking men and women, separately, if men and woman could "just be friends" and not have a romantic interest...I kind of figured what the outcome would be and where men would come from verses women.

Anywho, I can say that for me, I have a number of male friends whom I don't see in any other way as a friend, but I adore them, laugh endlessly and have a great time with them. So, I think it is possible, I really do! Sometimes, more feeling could develop, though more often from the guy's side, but not always, so, I think it just depends! :)

Great topic today...love thinking about these types of things and hearing other people's thoughts too!

Lemanie said...

I used to have a best friend who was a guy and he was probably one of the most important friends I ever had. We had tons of stuff in common and we just got each other, ya know? But he couldn't keep his hands to himself *cough cough* and I basically became another one of his toys he played w/ whenever he felt like it. I think guys and girls can be friends but there has to be no physical attraction, which completely exists. I'm not attracted to ever guy I know and vise versa. It makes for delightful conversations when there is no attraction...but that's just my opinion. =)

Great question!

Rebecca said...

I do have male friends, but unfortunately, I have to keep them at arm's length. It's a tightrope act. Some are easier than others to keep in the friend zone - mostly due to prior relationships with my friends, or if they are clearly spoken for, but it definitely is a tricky line to walk.

April said...

i think it's totally possible for men and women to just be friends. i have plenty of guy friends who are like brothers to me. guys are way more fun to be friends with because they don't analyze, start drama or cry about something you said a billion years ago, plus they're just goofy and fun to be around.

Melissa R. said...

When i first started college, I was adamant on having some guys friends since I usually hang out with a posse of girls. With one guy friend, we hung out a lot during the summer but then we went out one night with just us two. After that things were really awkward, especially when I saw him on campus monthssss later. Now I think I want to revisit the idea of having guy friends again. I'm older and definitely know what i'm looking for in a friend so here's hoping I find my Harry ;)

Melissa Blake said...

These are great stories...thanks so much for sharing! xoxo

Laura said...

Great question and I love how honest you were with your self analysis Melissa! I have a lot of guy friends who are gay and the sexual tension is eliminated and so we've been friends for ages. I feel like I'm only now in my late twenties acquiring straight guy friends and I thinks it's helped that a lot of us are in committed relationships with partners we're really in love with and devoted to, so everyone can just relax and hang out without gossip or wondering who's going to pair up with who.

Anonymous said...

My best and closest friend is a guy. We dated for no joke - about 3 hours in college before we decided it was too weird. After that, it was fine. I've joked that he is going to have to be my maid of honor someday. I talk to him every day. Thankfully my boyfriend's best friend is a woman so he understands and neither of us gets jealous.

I've always been more comfortable around guys. I value honesty in every friendship, but I think men offer that up a bit more easily - perhaps because they are not as competitive and/or comparative as women are with female friends.

Although being guys, maybe they just hide it better.

Anonymous said...

I think women can be friends with men when they aren't interested in them romantically, but not the other way around. Every guy "friend" that I've ever had has at some point in the friendship confessed his love, made a move on me, or become jealous or angry when I had boyfriends. Men seem to "hold a torch" more often than women and can wait around for ages for a woman to become interested.

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